In these past five years, I thought I had delved deeply enough into the profundity of your life—I thought my name was engraved so deeply in your heart, when in actuality, my name was not even there in the first place. How could I not think like that when you always put me first above everyone in your life? My brain still remembers when you broke through the downpour just to check on me when I had a high fever. My body still remembers when you embraced me while I was battling in the cold dark tunnel. My ears still remember when you murmured "I love you" like a broken record—softly and lovingly. My lips still remember the way you always kissed me tenderly without any rush, transferring strength to each other. Every part of my body doesn’t escape from feeling your love.
But it turned out it was only on the surface to veil the truth. I had put all my trust in you over everyone else in this universe, even myself. You made me believe that your heart was as precious as those noble metals, but for me, it's nothing more than just rotten trash beating in someone's chest. A heart that is covered with deception and infidelity.
You liked to play with fire behind my back, thinking that no grapevine would come over to me. You were kissing someone else's lips when you were high—even there was a red stain on your white hoodie. You gave an expensive gift to someone else when you never gave me a single red rose—how could I never realize that small detail? You literally have no idea how shattered my heart was. I found it so hard to build up my trust towards someone—I thought you'd be the one who would keep my trust sturdy; I never thought that you'd be the one to demolish it cruelly.
On behalf of my sanity, I decided to push you away from my life.
Amidst the time when I'm still pulling myself together and figuring things out after pushing you away from my life, without any pang of guilt, you then come again out of the blue. You have the audacity to ask how I've been doing when you just broke my heart with the knife of betrayal. I know you come over to me just to alleviate your boredom. If I go back to your grip, I know it's like reading the same book with the same ending, so I keep avoiding you until you're exhausted and leave by yourself.
Foolish me, your constant care makes me feel that I'm won over by you. This thought crosses my mind: should I give you a second chance? Because they say everyone deserves it. But I'm afraid this is just another one of your games and I will re-enter the arena. This time, I won't let my guard down.
I don't know where fate will put me, will it be the same or different? But if this is indeed another one of your games, I will also take your presence for granted, to give my life benefits. Isn't that tie in a game?
